It's said there are five love languages. I'm not talking about the French or Italian love languages. I'm talking about the five ways each of us recognizes, gives and most genuinely accepts love. The five are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. One of my sisters loves Acts of Service; my other sister is Words of Affirmation. My niece is both Receiving Gifts and Physical Touch (she loves to cuddle). Yes, you can give love one way but embrace receiving it another way. I show love by Acts of Service and Quality Time. You want to show me you love me? It's all about Quality Time. Plain and simple. Always has been, always will be.
Time is the most precious commodity we all have. How you choose to spend it and with whom you spend it tells a great deal about your priorities. My favorite places are in the homes of my sisters, cuddled on the couch with the kids, a fire, a book, just "being" and having many of my most cherished people around me. A girls' day of shopping and lunch with my mom and sisters means the world to me as does someone who reserves time with me in their busy and chaotic life. We are all busy, we all have way too many things we need to get done. But to me, too many of those things are trivial and yet, to many people I know, often seem to take priority over the truly critical and necessary things in life. I often wonder why that is the case.
There's a quote I came across not too long ago ... "Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time?" (Greg Behrendt) That quote comes from the movie/book "He's Just Not That Into You" (and frankly currently is appropriate in my life, but I digress). While yes, this quote speaks to a girl who isn't quite getting the hint that the guy really isn't all that into her, if you replace the word "his" with "their", the audience expands. This question could be posed to any of us that allow ourselves to become overly invested in people who really don't make us a priority in their lives. I guess if you're not a Quality Time person, none of this is relevant. But if you are, well, you know exactly what I'm saying.
Over the past sixteen years or so, I've spent almost every vacation traveling to see my sisters and nieces/nephews. (Okay, I've had a few other trips in there, but anyone who knows me at all knows I'm in either Phoenix or Montana when I'm on vacation.) My family is my priority and they know it because I make Quality Time for and with them. I do not miss special events like baptisms and graduations. I may be exhausted and going broke from traveling and living out of a suitcase, but my family, the kids especially, never question my love for and commitment to them. I've shown them repeatedly that they are of utmost importance in my life.
Don't mistake me saying I'm a Quality Time person to mean I don't appreciate and/or accept graciously love in any of the other languages. (Really, c'mon now, who doesn't like to receive gifts or kind words or a hug?!) I'm only saying that to me, making time to spend with me does more to show you care than anything else. Those who truly matter in my life continue to understand what makes me feel their love for me and they find the time for me. It really comes down to this. For what do you make time? For whom? To me, therein lie your priorities.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
If Jodie Foster can say it ...
A friend of mine rates The Golden Globes annual awards show as her Super Bowl. If you are into awards shows, it would be the best one to watch, or so I've been told. It has movies AND television whereas the Oscars only address movies and, well, the Emmy's only reward those on the boob tube. I'm not one to spend hours watching these award shows; I'd rather read online the next morning (or five minutes after the show ends these days) the list of winners. Last night, though, I did watch the 70th Golden Globes show. I was on the couch trying to behave and rest to fight off this minor cold. So, I tuned in and caught some pretty funny remarks, some not so classy remarks and frankly, some just weird comments and thank you speeches. Admit it, Jodie Foster is a beautiful woman (I'd love to look like that at 50 or hell, even 38!), incredibly talented in her profession as actor/director, and she's very well spoken. I don't know much about her personal life, but heck, if she can say it on national television, I can say it here on my blog. Yes, I am ... single!
I was married once. It was a lifetime ago. At 21, I thought I had life all figured out. Marry my high school sweetheart, buy a house, have a few kids and live happily ever after. Yeah, that lasted all of about two years. The details of divorce and how all this fell apart are a story best left untold, for there is nothing to be gained by it all now. The experience rocked my world and shook me to my core. I had never experienced such heartache and uncertainty about my future. That being said, it was the greatest of blessings! Enduring that time in my life led me to today ... brought me new life ... showed me my own strength ... helped make me the strong, independent and caring woman I am today. I wouldn't change it for anything!
That being said, yes, I did close myself off from searching for new love. I had to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life. I focused my energy on my family/friends and my work and found what I never knew I always wanted ... to give more love than I received. I found true joy in being an aunt, sister, friend, leader. This is who I am. If you know me today, you know this about me. I'm happiest when I'm with my kids (biological and honorary nieces and nephews), my family or friends, or helping to serve someone else.
Dating at 38 sucks. Let's get that said right off. Where have all the gentlemen gone? Is chivalry really dead? I say bring it back! I don't need a guy to open a door for me, but it sure is sweet when they do. I know what I'm looking for in my future Mr. Right. First dates, ugh. So much pressure. I'm one of those women who knows five minutes into date one whether or not there will be a date number two. I have such little free time that I am very selective about how I spend that time. Being told you have breast cancer at 34 years young, having a double lumpectomy followed by double mastectomy, enduring chemo and baldness and the possibility of a much shortened life span and/or recurrence all help you really focus on how you want to spend that little free time! Dating around and too many first dates is not how I want to spend my time. But, I like to believe this quote: "When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances." (Joshua Harris)
Is now the right time for me? Who knows. Ask me tomorrow, next month, next year. All I do know is that today I am happy, loved, content...and okay, currently single. Cue the orchestra.
I was married once. It was a lifetime ago. At 21, I thought I had life all figured out. Marry my high school sweetheart, buy a house, have a few kids and live happily ever after. Yeah, that lasted all of about two years. The details of divorce and how all this fell apart are a story best left untold, for there is nothing to be gained by it all now. The experience rocked my world and shook me to my core. I had never experienced such heartache and uncertainty about my future. That being said, it was the greatest of blessings! Enduring that time in my life led me to today ... brought me new life ... showed me my own strength ... helped make me the strong, independent and caring woman I am today. I wouldn't change it for anything!
That being said, yes, I did close myself off from searching for new love. I had to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life. I focused my energy on my family/friends and my work and found what I never knew I always wanted ... to give more love than I received. I found true joy in being an aunt, sister, friend, leader. This is who I am. If you know me today, you know this about me. I'm happiest when I'm with my kids (biological and honorary nieces and nephews), my family or friends, or helping to serve someone else.
Dating at 38 sucks. Let's get that said right off. Where have all the gentlemen gone? Is chivalry really dead? I say bring it back! I don't need a guy to open a door for me, but it sure is sweet when they do. I know what I'm looking for in my future Mr. Right. First dates, ugh. So much pressure. I'm one of those women who knows five minutes into date one whether or not there will be a date number two. I have such little free time that I am very selective about how I spend that time. Being told you have breast cancer at 34 years young, having a double lumpectomy followed by double mastectomy, enduring chemo and baldness and the possibility of a much shortened life span and/or recurrence all help you really focus on how you want to spend that little free time! Dating around and too many first dates is not how I want to spend my time. But, I like to believe this quote: "When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances." (Joshua Harris)
Is now the right time for me? Who knows. Ask me tomorrow, next month, next year. All I do know is that today I am happy, loved, content...and okay, currently single. Cue the orchestra.
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