8. Super Fast

Stereotactic breast biopsy is often used when a small growth or calcifications are seen on a mammogram, but cannot be seen using an ultrasound of the breast.You may feel a sharp, stinging sensation when the local anesthetic is injected. During the procedure, you may feel slight discomfort or light pressure. After the tissue sample has been taken, the catheter or needle is removed. Ice and pressure are applied to the site to stop any bleeding. A bandage will be applied to absorb any fluid. You will not need stitches after the needle is taken out. Steristrips may be placed over any wound, if needed. (Source: www.nlm.nih.gov)

It was a relief to be on the exam table face down. While my left breast hung through a hole in the table, the nurse standing at my side detailed each step to me as it transpired. She kept her hand on my back/shoulder throughout the entire procedure, explaining to me that patients often found it helped keep them relaxed and less fearful of what was happening. (I'm not big fan of strangers touching my body, but quite frankly couldn't care less at this point. I realized this whole experience was going to have nothing whatsoever to do with my likes and dislikes.) As Dr. M prepared, I mentally checked out. I'd been here already and knew the drill. Shoot me in the breast, take some tissue samples, apply pressure and then a band-aid, and send me on my way with my little pink ice pack. (Joke was on me. I got a purple ice pack.)

When my older sister, Caren, delivered her first child in 1996, I discovered my life's passion. I was going to be the world's best, most devoted aunt. As I held two-day old, scrawny little Andrew in my arms, I cherished the quiet moment alone with him. 

"I will always love you, little man. I promise to always be here for you and to protect you. You will never be alone and I promise to always make sure you know just how truly loved you are," I whispered into his tiny ear.  I repeated those same words to each of my other five nephews and two nieces in the years that followed. (Caren would have five kids - Andrew, Mitchell, Avery, Callum and Bronwyn. Cheryl would have three boys - Marshall, Carson and Charlie.) These children comprised the eight pieces of my heart. They became my life, my passion, my joy. Being their aunt was my greatest role in life. When divorce uprooted my plans for the future and having children of my own, I channeled my maternal love to the lives' of these children. As it has been said, I may not have borne my own children, but I was born for these children. 

Part of my commitment to these children has always been to maintain a visible and engaged presence in their lives. As such, almost every one of my vacation days since Andrew's arrival sixteen plus years ago, has been spent with the kids. Often, travel to be with them would be justified by needing to attend a graduation, birthday or baptism. More often, however, I simply missed them and wanted to spend time with them.

There was no unique reason for my trip to Utah that weekend other than I wanted to see the boys. My flight was scheduled for 6am on Friday, June 12th. According to Dr. M, my biopsy results would be available that day and he'd like me to come in to discuss them when they were ready. I refused to delay my travel plans and I refused to wait until sometime the following week to get the results in person. I gave no value or consideration to his professional habit of preferring to not share test results over the phone. I was the patient. I gave Dr. M my card and circled the cell phone number listed. I insisted he call me. 

My cell phone rang that afternoon as I stood on my mother's front porch. It was a beautiful, sunny and mild early summer afternoon. I recognized the caller ID number and simply said hello.

"Yes, this is Dr. M. I have the biopsy results. Are you sure you want to discuss this over the phone?"

"Yep, of course. What'd we find out?" I inquired.

"Well, the pathology shows that, yes, as suspected, this is breast cancer. The good news, however, is that it's only Stage 0, DCIS," Dr. M explained to me. "But, it also makes me think we need to get another sample from the right side as I believe now that those results were not a true representation of what's there."

"Awesome! That's so cool!", I yelled out. (Oh, what I would have given to see Dr. M's reaction to what he assumed was my reply to him!) I watched as Charlie, Carson and Marshall rode their scooters up and down the driveway. "Woo hoo!"

"Oh, yeah, I'm here. Okay, yeah, breast cancer. DCIS. Another biopsy. Got it. I'll call to schedule an appointment Monday. Thanks again for calling me. Appreciate it."

I knew life was about to change. I recognized a cancer diagnosis was serious and needed immediate attention. I wasn't in denial and I wasn't procrastinating (though, I admit, procrastination has always been one of my flaws). However, I wasn't about to let a cancer diagnosis ruin my weekend with my nephews, sister and mother. I could deal with the whole cancer thing next week. At that moment, there were more important things to address.

 "Yes, Charlie, I'm watching you go super fast. Look Nana, look at Charlie!"

Charlie and his scooter

One of my favorite places - cuddled with the boys. A cancer diagnosis would not be allowed to ruin my weekend with them.